A: You, the object of your amorous affections, two phones (mobile or terrestrial) and some distance (being in the same room defeats the purpose of the exercise). You then proceed to describe what you're wearing (his rugby jersey, a cheeky smile, a Christmas hat, baby dribble). Breath heavily. He does the same, then you describe the filthy things you're doing to each other while taking matters in hand. Maintain heavy breathing. Continue until things reach a head, one of you drops the phone or is ejected from a conference. For after-action satisfaction, spoon with a pillow.