Sex & Relationships
expert relationship advice on how to keep your relationship alive
Don't Give Up On Your Man
Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of every relationship.
Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your partner's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts!
The symptoms of this stage varies with every relationship, but if you think about your relationship, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and the place you're in now.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you and your partner reflect on the great love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages and long-term relationships break down. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their relationship for fulfillment.
Some find this fulfillment in sports, some find it in TV games and some find it in another person. What most people only realise when it's too late is that the answer to the problem lies with in the relationship.
I'm not saying that falling in love with someone else doesn't feel great. I'm sure it feels wonderful. Temporarily. But you will end up in the same situation a few years down the line.
Why? Because the key to long-term relationships is not in finding the 'perfect' person. It's learning to love the person you've found.
This takes commitment and compromise. But in the end, it is extremely fulfilling. There are many ways that couples can 'bring back the spark' in their relationships, and just because you've fallen into a rut, it doesn't mean that you will never get out.
Don't give up on your relationships too soon. Make sure that you put in a lot of time and energy into making it work before you decide on the final outcome.
About this blog

Hi, I am Leandie Buys, a qualified clinical sexologist, relationship and trauma counsellor. After working for the SAPS, I realised that my purpose in life is to help heal relationships that have been torn apart by lack of knowledge about sexual concerns and miscommunication. I regard sexual health as vital to your personal wellbeing and in order for you to have healthy, successful relationships, you need to be aware of the various concerns that can affect your sex life. I look forward to giving you advice and the latest updates on sexual health over the next few months.










I am busy with a divorce because my husband decided that he is not happy with our relationship. We were separated for 6 months, after an affair on his side, and he came back, just to tell me that he wants out 18 months later. We had a wonderful 18 months with lots of love and action. Doing things together as a family and having breakaways without the kids. We have two boys and I don't understand how someone can decide all this on their own without even talking to their spouse about it. He left before Christmas saying he is not happy and he feels empty.
Dear anon. Your comment echoes in my own heart. I know the hurt you are feeling. I cannot give you advise, but I can tell you what worked for me. READ ! Every time you feel angry, mad or sad turn to the internet. You will realise that you are not alone. This will not solve anything, but it kept me sane when I could not sleep. Also, know that what you dish out in life will be returned to you 3fold. This helped me when I thought about the other person nilly willy ruining my marriage and my kids life. As for your husband.... if he does go through with the divorce will one day realise what he lost by carelessly tossing away his marriage. I have seen this with countless divorced people. Good luck !
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