Q: My boyfriend is rough in bed. How can I ask him to tone it down?

A:His roughness is probably down to poor education. I wager he’s watched one too many pornos and believes that the submissive girlfriend, dominant dude, me-takey-what-me-likey approach is de rigueur and that the next level of romance is only one facial away.

You need to retrain him. Challenge him to get you off the way you like it done, then work on finding a middle ground. Make it clear that you’re neither an inflatable doll nor his trusty right hand, and that the rough and ready wham bam, spank-you ma’am approach simply doesn’t work for you (well… not all the time).

Tell him you’re going to direct proceedings, then take charge. He’ll probably dig the new, more dominant you. Just remember to be rough with him every now and then.