Forgiveness in relationships

Hi
I have been with my husband for 9 years, 5 of which we have been married, For 8 months of last year my husband did not touch me sexually - we were going through a rough patch, as he has a drinking problem - and he constantly used this as the excuse.
There were many nights he never came home at all and would tell me that he fell asleep in his car.
Last week, I learnt that he was having a sexual affair with his boss, and as I had the concrete evidence, I threw him out of our home.
What I am struggling with, besides a broken heart and the physical pain in my chest, is the familiarity of him.
I see him everywhere and so want to believe that this is all a horrible nightmare.
He is begging me to forgive him and take him back, but my gut says that his track record with me over the years is just too bad.
I've heard that men who were forgiven and given a second chance usually go and do this again. Is this true?

This forgiveness thing is really difficult... Last year my husband "pulled" away from me. It took me months to figure out that he'd met a woman on a sports forum/chat room. As far as I'm concerned he had an emotional affair with her. She became very important to him - he asked her opinion about stuff which was happening in our lives, from holidays to our relationship. He also lied to me and hardly ever touched me or spoke to me. I knew he was on this forum, but kind of ignored it, until I realised that I had to face the fact that there was more to it than he was letting on. So, I went onto the forum and checked it out. That was when I had that horrible feeling that someone had just kicked me in the stomach. I'm finding it really hard to forgive him and move on, especially since he refuses to stay away from the forum. As far as he's concerned it was nothing, and I over-reacted. Anyone else had to deal with this kind of internet affair? How did you handle it?

I believe in one thing, "never take 2 steps forward and 5 back". There is a reason why he had the affair and a reason for lying. Some men never learn and almost all of them will have an affair or two, in some cases 3 or 4, at some stage of their lives. You will go through the whole forgiveness, and taking him back thing and he will naturally be making an attempt to give his best and make up for all the wrong he did.

You need to forgive yourself and ultimately him in order to move on with your life and give yourself closure, but taking him back, I recon NOT. Having an affair is the ultimate betrayal and humiliation. Start a new life for yourself, stay single for a while, and while sitting alone at night contemplating what to do with your life feeling sad and emotional, make a list of your expectations in men. It is simple, list on the one side what is ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR and on the other NOT ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR. When you are ready to date again, refer to your list, read it every day and if NOT ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR outweighs ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR. You will know which road to choose.

Lastly, invest in a vibrator, your are going to need it. :-))

Hope you find the right path.

Forgivenss is not easy but it is a choice we make. Once has to decide that you forgive or will not forgive.
Once you have decided to forgive, then the focus changes to restoring the relationship rather than on why he has hurt you.
As a christian, I have to forgive anyone all the time no matter what because of the unconditional forgivenss I receive from God. We all are not perfect and need to accpet that we will hurt each other at one stage or the other and we cannot call it quits everytime we hurt one another.

My boyfriend told he never wanted to be married and then he became my fiance but he dumped I meet for breif time and then I was back with him and now He always brings up the fact that when we broke up I lspet with someone mind you he did the same, now ma questioning myself about what does he wants from me, because he says my voice irritates and makes him angry, he yells at me calls me names and he stays in my house i chased him out last month and he couln't afford rent and he stayed for this month and this month end I want him out and the worst part his brother is staying with us aswell, he went on december holidays comes back all of his ex girlfriends are busy calling and smsing him while he is still on about my broke up fling. He told he didn't had a child when we meet and last december he told he has one that was born in 2007 and he went and did DNA tests last december without me knowing.He says I give a wrong picture of women for what i did he is always the victim he does something wrong he blames me but am doing nothing practically my hand are folded and he is busy entertainining he ex'ses by returning their calls if they are still ex'ses , he meet another woman last december he claims he hasn't slept with her but he has romanced her. he doesn't want me to go to church for nidweek prayer's am really fed up it feels like this month is very long. Ithought of leaving them in my house and go and stay with my sister until they move out but am concerned about other people that are sharing my house, He and his brother can be loud they watch movies at night during the week until I told them they must not watch movies after 21H:00 because I can't play cop for the volume.

then later he apologised when I told him I don't need his nonsence he said it will never happen aagain him yelling at me, he said he was being selish and that he was comparing me to something of which he later realised that I can never be that and that He can't tell what it is that he was comparing me to because I will not be happy with him for that,
He is telling me I have to convence him to stay with me If I want him to marry me I must work for that and I told him He can just forget it because now he is talking as if he doesn't want to marry me and am the only that wants to marry.

He has damaged me emotionally because now I don't trust him and I don't see a reason to be in a relationship with soemone you don't trust, he doesn't trust me either now am asking him why does he keep on telling he loves me when he doesn't trust me nad he say's because i believe in the best of people. am really fed up how do Iget through tthis month with him in my house?

My husband also had an affair with the lady next door for about 10 months after our baby girl was born. I confronted him several times but every time he talked me away from it, until he could not anymore. It has almost been 2 months since he told me the truth and everyday the questions keep going through my mind and the biggest one is how could he do it???? I am haunted by the visions of my husband and the bitch next door together in our bed or on her couch or in our shower. I can't sleep at night and I don't even have an appitite. It feels like I can't take this anymore.!!!!! I am going crazy!!!