Sex & Relationships
Why you need to get over your jealousy
Jealousy Makes You Nasty
Jealousy does make you nasty – this saying is so true, and I have seen it so often in my practice...
Couples often come to see me because they are struggling with jealousy in their relationship. One partner might be jealous of the others' success, lifestyle, friends, free time etc. But the key to this saying is: "Jealousy makes you nasty." Being jealous of your partner has no effect on them, but it causes you to behave differently, think differently and process emotions differently. Jealousy affects the whole relationship, and it builds resentment and hurt between partners.
If you think that you're jealous of something your partner has or does, try to figure out why you're jealous. If your partner has more friends than you, are you really jealous about the number of friends, or is the problem actually about how you feel about yourself and your lack of friends?
If your partner has more free time than you and gets to spend it enjoying their favourite hobbies, are you jealous of the time or are you jealous because you feel like you should be sharing in that free time by doing fun things together?
Try to find out the real reason behind the jealousy, and once you know why it's affecting you, you can figure out how to deal with it. Ask yourself whether you need to work on your self-esteem or whether you need to allow yourself some more time to do the things that you really enjoy doing.
Find out how to turn your jealousy around to help make you a better person.
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Last updated: Mon, 2010-11-22 11:09
About this blog
Hi, I am Leandie Buys, a qualified clinical sexologist, relationship and trauma counsellor. After working for the SAPS, I realised that my purpose in life is to help heal relationships that have been torn apart by lack of knowledge about sexual concerns and miscommunication. I regard sexual health as vital to your personal wellbeing and in order for you to have healthy, successful relationships, you need to be aware of the various concerns that can affect your sex life. I look forward to giving you advice and the latest updates on sexual health over the next few months.
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It always baffles me, referring now to men and their somewhat inappropriate behaviour involving pornography and their general dissatisfaction with having but one woman, how no matter how you try to please them it just is never enough... Is it? Cosmetic surgery, cleaning, cooking, shopping and sex to name a few things but im sure the list can go on forever. If they cant sleep with more than one woman at any given stage of their lives then the need for pornography and other visual stimulation arises because after a period of time, boredom and disinterest takes over regardless of any notable effort on the woman's part. Is acceptance the key? Should we just accept that this behaviour is inevitable, unchangeable and a way of life. should we continue to live as a mere tool available for their release after some other virtual image or fantasy has fired their need because we no longer can? I think not. So,if not then what is the solution?
Remain single? Form no emotional attachment? With no emotional attachment or true sense of oneness how can a relationship be whole? perhaps that is a thing of the past or perhaps it never existed apart form in our heads.I don't know, i need to ponder on this.
Wow. That's a scary thought to process. Do you really think that that is the case with most men? That's quite depressing if so...
I have to agree somewhat with what Jade is saying...
How about when your partner has this thing or shall i say need to always have an emotional connection with other ladies that is not you...While one tries your best to be there always for that person..anytime of the day or night and is 100% emotionally in it...So what more does that person need from one that he feels the need to always do this...This subject had 10 shades of grey...
People have emotional connections to their close friends so thats normal but it all depends on the degree of attachment, the things they discuss and do together. When two people of opposite sex become too close without any physical contact etc then it is inevitable that they will begin to at least THINK of having something more - u know the ' i wonder what it would be like if....'. Hopefully nothing would actually physically happen due to moral beliefs and respect etc for u. ultimately the female that he should have the strongest emotional attachment to should be you (perhaps his mother). u have to decide when what he is doing is crossing the line then discuss it with him and ask him to work on it. Think back to how things were when you first started dating and think about behaviors etc that have changed since. Perhaps he feels he cant talk to you because you may get cross, maybe you don't like his friends or you have little in common anymore, i don't know, whatever it might be you should ponder on it. See if there are any areas that require your attention, perhaps where you need to be more lenient or take more interest etc However it takes both partners effort to make things work, u cant do it on your own. Anyhoo, thats just my thoughts.
99 % of the time when women feel somehow jealous in their relationships,they somehow being treated as the 3rd best in their relationship. if somehow your man would rather go drinking with his friends, irrespective of the date you were suppose to have, if this happens often, you are bound to end up jealous.
Sometimes, lack of "proper" communications from the man's side, undermining one's feelings,assuming woman just go along with whatever like the boys, treating one's friends (both male & female) as first class citizens and you as a commoner,if your man dont know the difference between flirting and being friendly,after 2 years in a marriage or relationship you still dont have proper direction and plans, if your man is secretive like a CIA...THATS BOUND TO MAKE ANY WOMAN JEALOUS.
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