And how to avoid them ever happening again…
One more reason to love sex and orgasms: they mask pain, thanks to the endorphins. The downside? You might not notice a sensation that would normally hurt. Learn from our nooky accidents and get off without getting wounded.
Eina #1 Bruise
Overly enthusiastic thrusting, groping, kissing or sucking can result in an unwelcome shiner or the dreaded hickey.
Apply ice to the area, says family practitioner Dr Tamlyn McKeag. “Always cover ice in a clean cotton cloth. Apply immediately, then for 20 minutes three times a day for the next two days.”
If your skinny guy’s pelvic bone juts into you, place a folded fleece scarf at the point of impact (use it later around his wrists). And if he attacks your neck like Robert Pattinson in Twilight, break out the garlic and run.
Eina #2 Overextended Muscle
You contorted Cirque du Soleil style last night; now you feel like you scaled Kilimanjaro.
Rest and stretch out your tender muscles a couple of times a day over the next few days. A heat pack and topical anti-inflammatory such as arnica oil will help, says McKeag. If you’re still lame after 24 hours, see a doctor to rule out a torn muscle.
Keep supple with this full-body stretch four times a week: sitting on the floor, put the soles of your feet flat together and push your knees into the floor. Start with your back up straight, then stretch your hands along the floor as far as they will go. Hold for 30 to 60 seconds.
Eina #3 Carpet Burn
Also beware of wooden floors, sheets and the back seat of his Jetta.
Clean with soap and warm water, air-dry and apply an antiseptic ointment such as Germolene. Then cover with a non-stick bandage, says McKeag. Change it daily, and remove it once a scab forms.
Switch to high-thread-count sheets. Higher equals softer. Or toss a cushy blanket over any surface you tumble on. Avoid terry cloth or scratchy wool.
Eina #4 Vaginal Irritation
Thanks to its cell-shedding and natural cleansing acids, your vagina is self-healing. Avoid inserting anything (his penis, tampons or vibrators) for 48 hours – the time it takes to mend. McKeag suggests you soothe discomfort with a warm water bath (no soap – and not in Cape Town, guys!) twice a day; you can add coarse salt. Wear only cotton underwear for the next few days.
Demand generous foreplay: it takes 30 seconds to several minutes once you’re aroused before you naturally lubricate. Test a new lube on your inner labia and wait a few hours for a reaction before a full-on slather. If chillis are involved, vigorous hand-washing is in order! Avoid jelly rubber toys containing phthalates, as these chemicals irritate tender tissue.