Womens Health

Listen to this: in just 15 minutes, every woman can become orgasmic. And, with the right partner and technique, that orgasm can last and last. The answer, according to author of Slow Sex: The Art And Craft Of The Female Orgasm, Nicole Daedone, lies with Orgasmic Meditation, or OM.

When we compare the female orgasm to men’s (which we do) and hold his orgasm as the model you should be striving for (which we do), then your orgasm can look like a problem child who sometimes refuses to come to the party.

Contrary to what we learnt in sex ed, climax is not synonymous with orgasm. Climax is often part of orgasm, but it’s not the sum total. In fact, climax is like reading just the last line of a book – you can do it, but you’ll miss out on the whole story.

At the heart of OM practice is “stroking”, designed to connect you but also strip down all your expectations.

Here’s how…

Assume The Position

Lie on a bed or the floor with your legs butterflied open, a pillow under each of your knees for support. He sits to your left, with his right leg over your stomach and his left leg under your knees.

Look And Listen

Take a deep breath and get in touch with the sensations that are building between you. Now onto “noticing”. His job? To look at your genitals and describe what he sees. While men have been conditioned to feel proud of their penises, women have got the opposite message about their parts. This will help you to break free from your issues.

Let The Games Begin

He then lightly strokes your clitoris up and down with the tip of his pointer finger (don’t forget the lube) for 15 minutes. Guide him until he finds your perfect spot. He should use the lightest pressure possible and increase from there. The idea is not for the stroker to make his partner feel anything in particular. Just focus on the sensations and communicate how it feels. “This will cultivate your ability to receive and respond to pleasure. The result is more freedom, more capacity for enjoyment and a more sensitive sexual experience,” says Daedone.

The Ground Rules

With two minutes to go, he should warn you that time’s nearly up. He then slows his stroke and focuses on stroking downward. This will channel your orgasmic energy and start the process of bringing you both back to earth. He then “grounds” the sexual energy that has built up by pressing the palm of his hand on your clitoris for a few seconds.

“The pressure helps stop the firings of the nerve endings and relieves the genital area of engorgement, leaving both partners with a feeling of completion.” Simple? Do it three to five times a week, says Daedone.

Slow Sex is published by Hachette and retails for R190.