sex surveys from different countries

Where Women Ask For What They Want

In a recent poll of Israeli women, 71 percent said they knew how to ask for what they want in bed. "In the past 20 years, there's been much more assertiveness," Israeli journalist Maayana Shenhar says. "That's in large part because there’s more information [about sex] available now."

Israeli women have mastered the adage "Ask and you shall receive". Call it sexual chutzpah: "When you talk about assertiveness in Israeli society, I would chalk it up to dugri," Perel says. "It's an essential word in Hebrew that means 'to the point, without any tact.' It's totally in-your-face." And it works. The high degree of dugri, she says, can be attributed to the fact that Israelis are keenly aware of their mortality. Sex is seen as a way to mitigate the constant turmoil they are exposed to, and to assert life.

Sexy suggestion: Decide to dominate. When it comes to getting hot and heavy, many guys want directions. According to Marshall Miller, co-author of I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide, "Men are dying to know what women really want, but some are afraid that asking will be a sign of sexual inexperience or weakness."

"The logistics of intercourse often don't provide the right kind of stimulation to allow women to climax," says McIntosh. "Even with the 'perfect man', just one third of women reach orgasm from penetration alone. This is why oral sex and manual stimulation are so important to so many women."

Masturbation is the most reliable way of figuring out what your body wants. "Women with satisfying sex lives know their bodies," says Dorian Solot, Miller's co-author. They say what they need – and reach down and help when necessary.

And when your man gets something right, let him know. Be specific, for example, "You feel so good inside me. And it's really hot when you hold my breasts at the same time." If you're not keen on commentating, "Move your body or your partner's hand to initiate what you want," says Solot. "Most of the time, he'll get the picture right away." Or sound it out, Miller says: "Your sighs and moans are the best reward."