If Eat Pray Love had been written by a man, he would have been lynched, not lauded. On the other hand, if daily masturbation was an "acceptable" practice for women, they might get more out of sex. So what are these allowances that are made for one sex but not the other? Tudor Caradoc-Davies negotiates the minefield of role reversal...

Periods
If men were women they would... turn menstruation into a competitive sport, taking their cues from the sonorific arts of belching, farting and long-distance spitting. Expect locker room chat like, “Dude, how do you like the wings on this pad?” and “Bro, check out this heavy flow.” Men would also take week-long sick leave citing blood loss. “Honey, don’t go in there, it’s like the third season of Dexter.”
If women were men they would… tread on eggshells and explain away their partners’ mood swings as “that time of the month”. Much wailing and gnashing of teeth would ensue.

Drinking
If men were women they would... pass out while drunk-dialling.
If women were men they would… get into fights, chest-bump each other and collect road signs and traffic cones.

Holidays
If men were women they would... take holidays together in order to chill, read and perhaps get raucous over 30 seconds and a bottle of wine.
If women were men they would… devise entire holidays around chasing man tail, working as an oestrogen-addled wolf pack. Boys Gone Wild – Cancun would be a best-selling stocking stuffer.

Opposites attract
If men were women they would... shamelessly go out with overweight, pock-marked women with halitosis because they drove a Porsche and owned a place in Plett.
If women were men they would… go out with pretty yet vacuous toy-boys simply because they look good on their arms and never challenge them.