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dating dealbreakers
10 Dating Dealbreakers
Should you hold it against him that he’s wearing a Will Ferrell wig in his online profile picture? Maybe not, but if you’re on the dating circuit, you’d do well to heed the first-date warning signs.
“As women, we often don’t define our boundaries consciously, nor do we take cognisance of the areas where we’re prepared to compromise or negotiate,” says Durban-based counselling psychologist Dr Rita Suliman. What’s worse, when we do spot the so-called 'dealbreaker' in a man, our innately female tendency to nurture takes over and “we tend to think we can help him or change him and somehow make him better.” It’s preferable to enter a relationship with an open mind, says Suliman, “but first ensure your personal boundaries are absolutely clear: decide what you can compromise on and what you can’t.”
To help with the search for true love and lasting happiness, we’ve assembled an array of possible dealbreakers based on the real-life experiences of fearless single women in the field. Based on your own needs, figure out where you would draw the line.
Dealbreaker #4: He’s an undercover commitment phobe
If your date professes that you’re his dream woman mere hours after meeting you, it’s likely he’ll get himself in too deep, panic and vanish. “I was set up with Paul by a colleague,” says Anthea. “We connected on the Internet, and the minute we’d exchanged cell numbers he phoned and invited me for Pongrácz at his house – before he’d even met me! He’d broken his leg and joked, ‘Hey, I can’t do anything to you; I’m on crutches.’ He was very intense. He SMSed me a lot before our first date, and if I didn’t respond within 10 minutes, he’d send another message. At my suggestion, we first met for coffee; then we had a dinner date. When we kissed, on date two, he told me, ‘I could kiss you forever.’ After our third date, he went cold, sent me an SMS about being busy with work, and I never saw him again.”
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I'm in agreement with Petra on the payment side. After 6 months - I realized my ex was never going to become anything other than a freeloader. I paid more often than not for him - groceries, dinners, wedding gifts for his friends etc. Apart from this - he is a decent guy, but I'm over being the paycheck. Being 7 years younger than him, I never saw the pattern, until I logged all that was "due" to me, and realized the balance was far skewed. After we broke up, I requested my possessions back, and he had the audacity to tell him that I owed him just under a grand to have a laptop fixed - my spare one that I lent him for his own personal use. Never again!!! never!!
Anonymous has finally realised what she and countless other women have done to men for aeons! I've not been on a date in years, and frankly, I don't want to. I'm happily single, and financially far better off now than I would ever be with women in my life.
I gain immense emotional strength from my community volunteer work (I work with abused children and school children in general), which is emotionally fulfilling without any of the stress that women seem to provide. And contrary to what so many women think, I am not a sex maniac. Sure guys like sex, that's biologically built into us, but it's nothing close to what you think.
I've been used as a bottomless bank account for too long. Women are lightning fast to accept invites to dinner, movies, coffee, lunch, drinks, etc, but in years of dating I think only one woman actually contributed to any of the expenses! And that was only once!
And, for what it's worth, women have this annoying habit of lying to us. "Yes, definitely we must meet up again", but when I invite them, there is every excuse in the book to avoid it. The best (worst?) one I got was "I have to babysit the maid"! Get real!
You've used us as your free rides for too long already, that, Ms anonymous, is your karma.
I suppose I grew up far too conservatively - frankly I'm shocked that women can start kissing a guy they've just met after two days! Never mind even having sex with him on the same night.
You don't know anything about the man!
You don't know if he's got herpes or any other SDI. You have no idea how he behaves when pressured in some way - eg. someone disagrees vehemently with his point of view or a waiter spills a drink on him or you're late for a function and the car gets a puncture etc. Those kind of unlikely things only happen after knowing someone for quite a while.
You don't know if you have the same values on spiritual matters, child raising, giving to the poor, entertaining friends and family - especially family.
No wonder there's so much break up and looking for Mr right again soon after.
I've decided as a guy the best way to conduct my next relationship will be to limit contact to holding hands and a light peck on the lips when greeting. Why? Because getting into a kissing clinch is a sure way to short-circuit all your thinking and self-control long before you are ready for it. I want to get to know the woman thoroughly before asking her to marry me. I've been thu the short cut business and now I'm in a fortunate position to experience what it means to get to know someone extremely well - without being in a romantic relationship! It's an eye opener that really let's me know just what I am willing to put up with in a relationship.
This goes to Brian:
I'm not sure where you find these chicaboo's you are dating. I always insist to at least pay half, or if the guy insists on paying, the next one is definitely on me!
The time has long passed for girls to just expect guys to keep paying! My attitude is: if I invited you, I pay! Even if I invite you for a weekend away - the bill is on me! Hopefully the same happens when I get invited away!
Whenever my Ex and I used to go away on holiday (even overseas trips) - we split the bill 50-50. I don't spunge!
To Brian:
Maybe if you had a better attitude more of your dates will be willing to pay and even go on more than one date with you!
To Frankly Shocked:
Where do guys like you hide?!
You are not conservative, you just know better!
Thank your mother for raising you right.
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