the lowdown on sex without obligations

You could be single by choice or still licking your wounds from a break-up. Either way, a hot-blooded, healthy woman’s libido can't always be tamed with an extra strenuous gym session, the odd one-night stand or taking matters into her own hands. So what are your other options?

If Natalie Portman's character in No Strings Attached is to believed, you can cavort in a bra in front of your best guy friend before having a lot of sex and discovering your happy ending as a couple.

Debbie, 38, is less Hollywood about her year-long casual arrangement with a former colleague. "We didn't fall in love, but our affair worked for both of us," she shrugs. "There's something very liberating about concentrating solely on physical pleasure, without having to wade through mundane, daily relationship-type stuff. We liked each other, but our main focus was sex, rather than how we felt about each other or where the relationship was going." Being practical, realistic and aware of your options are the keys to ensuring you have a smooth ride.

Debbie's lusty liaison worked because her and her lover were "both on the same page", she says. "Neither of us played games, or ever expected it to turn into a great love affair." But for some, the boundaries aren't as clear – and that's when problems surface.

Yasmeen, a 28-year-old data capturer, still regrets her part-time sexual relationship two years after it ended. "I met him online, and although he was clear from the start that he wasn't interested in a relationship, I was so crazy about him I settled for what we was offering. I thought the physical intimacy would eventually make him see that I was what he’d been looking for." When he announced on Facebook he was moving to Australia, she realised how deluded she'd been. "I was completely broken," she admits.

As Yasmeen discovered, because traditional "relationship rules" don’t apply, a "friends with benefits" pact can leave you feeling vulnerable and hurt, says sexologist Marlene Wasserman. "Even when you're working creatively around the issue, people get attached to each other when they have sex," she cautions. "Despite choosing someone you think you won't fall in love with, you could end up heartbroken if he remains emotionally unavailable," explains relationship coach and facilitator Jonelle Naudé.