101 Sex Tips That Will Have You Turned On For Days
By Colleen Oakley; Photography by Bo Streeter
These 101 sex boosters will keep you busy (and satisfied) all year long…
You’ve mastered the basics of sex. You know where your G-spot is, your favourite buzzy friend is at the ready in your bedside drawer and you can debate with your girlfriends about the advantages of reverse cowgirl versus missionary. Now it’s time to kick things up a notch: we’ve got sex tips, toys, tricks and techniques to take your bedroom antics from ordinary to jalapeño hot.
1 Pop in earplugs
It will enhance the sound of your breathing and block out the rest of the world, so you can home in on your other four senses – especially touch, says Claire Cavanah, co-author of Sex Toys 101.
2 Get at least 8 hours of sack time
Snoozing, that is. A recent study linked poor sleeping habits to a less-than-stellar sex life.
3 Nix the marathon
A survey of sex therapists concluded that the optimal duration of sexual intercourse was three to 13 minutes – good news, considering the average Joe lasts only 7.8 minutes. So quit worrying about breaking a record and spend more time on foreplay. You’ll both enjoy it.
4 Play hide-and-seek
You hide, he seeks. When he finds you, the prize is getting down and dirty wherever you are. “Any kids’ game can be made into a sexy experience,” says Leigh Anderson, author of Games for Grown-ups.
5 Keep your socks on
Orgasms jumped 30 percent in men and women who were chilled out during sex, according to a study at a Dutch university. Researchers believe the results indicate that the more comfy you are, the more likely you’ll be to reach the big O.
6 Switch up the beat
Try a toy with different pleasure modes, so you can thump or pitter-patter your way to an orgasm in addition to getting the usual buzz.
7 Assert yourself
“Women are traditionally more submissive, so switching to a more dominant role can break you out of a sex rut,” says Ian Kerner, author of She Comes First. “You don’t have to don leather and wield a whip; just doing something your partner doesn’t expect – like initiating sex as soon as he walks in the door – will make things hotter.”
8 Stick him up
Instead of scarves, try soft bondage ribbon or tape (www.whet.co.za). It’s easy, safe and painless, with a natural stickiness that keeps it from coming loose.
9 Tie one on
If your man isn’t sure how he feels about being bound, slip the opening of an already-tied necktie over his wrists so he can escape more easily.
10 Take off your top
Forget the blindfold and cover his eyes with the shirt you were wearing. “Your natural scent is a huge aphrodisiac,” says Sharon Moalem, author of How Sex Works.
11 Break out the wine
Researchers at the Santa Maria Annunziata Hospital in Italy found that women who consumed one to two glasses of red wine a day had more sexual desire and natural lubrication than those who didn’t.
12 Set up a mirror
According to research from the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health in Toronto, women are more visual than we thought. Seeing yourself engaged in the act will heighten your arousal.
13 Hide his razor
A man with a five o’clock shadow is a bigger turn-on than one who’s clean-shaven, according to a recent study from the UK’s Northumbria University. Researchers believe that women evolved to subconsciously seek out men with masculine features (like stubble) because in caveman days they were more able to protect their ladies from danger.
14 Hit the mat
A recent study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that yogis have better sex. Women in the study who began practising yoga reported improvements in levels of arousal and desire, as well as better orgasms. Plus, the increased flexibility will come in handy.
15 Even better, take up Kundalini
This type of yoga focuses on breathing techniques that can actually intensify your orgasm when employed during sex, Moalem says. For two to five minutes a day, practise what she calls the “breath of fire”: sit cross-legged with your hands on your knees and inhale rapidly, filling your lungs and envisioning sending the air to your lower abdomen. Once your lungs are full, hold for a moment, press your shoulders back and expand your chest so you feel light pressure on your diaphragm. Then slowly let out all the air.
READ MORE: 5 Things You Should NEVER Do After Sex
16 Don’t skip the gym
Yoga not your thing? Your regular workout can be just as good for your sex life. A University of British Columbia study found that women who got just 20 minutes of exercise a day reported having better sex than women who didn’t work out at all. Now, that’s a good reason to break a sweat.
17 Don’t let him skip the gym, either
A recent study from the University of California found that sniffing male sweat elevated a chemical that causes arousal in women for up to a full hour afterward.
18 Use this vibrator during sex
The We-Vibe is the first dildo that can be used during intercourse, says clinical sexologist Prof Elna McIntosh. Inserted into your vagina, the U-shaped device stimulates your clitoris and G-spot simultaneously – and it’s narrow enough to allow your partner in.
20 Try a new lube
The newest on the market do more than just lubricate – many, such as Durex’s Play O, encourage blood flow to the clitoris, which results in warming and tingling sensations. In fact, according to the Durex Wellbeing Global Survey, 79 percent of women achieved orgasm by using it! Also try their great warming gels: Play Heat and Play Tingle, says McIntosh.
19 Use two forms of birth control
The US Kinsey Institute found that women who use a hormonal contraceptive plus condoms report higher overall sexual satisfaction. Researchers think that when women are less worried about pregnancy and STDs, they can relax and enjoy themselves more.
22 Or chill the lube you’ve got
Stash a tube in the fridge. The coldness will give you an extra thrill when you apply it.
23 Help him find the “female prostate”
This seldom-talked-about body part (technically glands around the urethra that mimic the male prostate and are found in the same area as your G-spot) can reward you with a more intense orgasm. Have him insert two fingers into your vagina and make a “come here” motion with them. If you feel slight pressure, like the need to pee, he’s hit the jackpot, Moalem says.
24 Update doggy style
“Stepping tiger” improves on a classic. Kneel on the edge of the bed and lean forward with both hands flat on the floor. This allows your partner to enter you at an angle that better targets your G-spot, says Karinna Kittles-Karsten, author of Intimate Wisdom, The Sacred Art of Love.
25 Do it CAT style
That’s Coital Alignment Technique. Think missionary, but with him lying fully on top of you, chest to chest, instead of holding himself up. When he’s inside you, the base of his penis should rub against your clitoris and stay there as you move together, rocking (not thrusting). This greatly increases the woman’s chance of climaxing, says Tracey Cox, author of Secrets of a SuperSexpert.
26 Pile on pillows
Give old positions a new feel by stacking pillows under different body parts. Try putting one or two under your butt during missionary. The elevation will give him a different angle of penetration – and hopefully hit you in just the right spot.
27 Get back to basics
Take a trip back to high school for an evening and restrict yourselves to 10 minutes of kissing and over the-clothes touching only. “Keeping things PG for a set time revs you both up for a more adult encounter,” says Anderson.
28 Have some liquorice
Loop a piece around his penis (loosely!), then slowly eat it off. Liquorice is considered a stimulant for women, Moalem says.
29 Play a game
Erotic shop Lola Montez has some great games you can play with your partner. Try their adult game: A Hot Affair consisting of 50 fantasies. Then there’s also 52 Weeks of Naughty Nights and 52 Orgasm Tip Flash Cards to enjoy.
30 Find an opening
Doorways are the ultimate sex tool, Cox says. Have your guy lean on the door frame and then back up into him – there are plenty of free edges for both of you to grab onto for support.
32 Pick a fight
Healthy debate can be a huge turn-on, says Yvonne Fulbright, author of Touch Me There! A Hands on Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots. “When you argue, your body reacts as it would during sexual response – your muscles tense, heart rate increases, breathing gets heavier. Part of what makes the sex afterward so hot is not only the release of the body’s heightened state but also this feeling that you’ve conquered your ‘opponent’ in some way.”
33 Send him a sexy SMS
Text and email are great ways to seduce. Share your fantasy with your significant other and count down the minutes until you meet.
34 Let him spank you
The occasional love tap may not just be for kinksters. According to scientists at Northern Illinois University, spanking can increase the bond between couples. Plus, women get a jolt of testosterone when they’re on the receiving end – possibly the body’s way of coping with the “stress” of the situation. Whatever the reason, it translates to a boost in sex drive.
35 Use your tongue
When you’re going down on him, imagine your tongue as hummingbird’s wings, says Kittles- Karsten. Touch the underside of your vibrating tongue gently to the head of his penis occasionally for added stimulation.
36 Make sure your motives are good
University of Texas researchers had women rate a list of reasons they had sex and then rate their sexual satisfaction. Women who reported doing the deed to show love and commitment, for physical pleasure or to have a new experience were more satisfied than those who have sex to feel better about themselves.
37 Make a naughty suggestion box
Write down new fantasies and put them in a box. When you want to spice things up, take one out and try it.
38 Press on your ovaries
When he’s going down on you, have him apply consistent pressure on either side of your navel – it can enhance orgasm, says Emily Dubberly, co-author of The Going Down Guide.
39 Blow hot and cold
When you give him oral sex, have an ice cube and a cup of warm tea nearby. Every few minutes, alternate between the two. The temperature-changing sensations will drive him wild.
40 Have him gently kiss your eyelids
The thin skin of the eyelids lacks subcutaneous fat, so the nerve endings are close to the surface. That makes them as sensitive to pleasure as other erotic areas of your body.
21 Wear stilettos
Heels directly work the muscles linked to orgasm. So much sexier than Kegel exercises.
31 Lock eyes
When you get turned on, your pupils dilate, so this is a way of tracking each other’s level of arousal, Moalem says. And you’ll feel a more intense connection during sex.
42 Go bungee jumping
Together. Or rock climbing. Or anything that’s a little bit risky. Then get busy. “Trying something new or exciting before sex delivers a burst of dopamine, a chemical that activates the pleasure centres in your brain. That may carry over to more exciting sex afterwards,” says Gail Saltz, author of The Ripple Effect: How Better Sex Can Lead to a Better Life.
43 Stop stressing
A Durex Sexual Wellbeing Survey found that only 38 percent of people have sex as often as they’d like and only three in five find it fun. Many say their sex lives are negatively affected by stress. Create a ritual to decompress from your day (like listening to relaxing music) before you jump into the sack.
45 Take a coffee break
Make that iced coffee. Java may boost your libido, according to a study published in the journal Pharmacology, Biochemistry and Behaviour. Researchers say that sipping a cup of brew 30 minutes prior to sex can make you feel more frisky – especially if you don’t drink coffee on a daily basis.
46 Have a seat
Straddle your man while he sits cross-legged. Instead of moving up and down or back and forth, both of you should move in a circle – you lean back, then to the right, he leans back and then to the left. Follow each other and it will look like a dance – and feel amazing, Kittles-Karsten says.
47 Edit your underwear drawer
Toss the granny panties. When you feel sexy in your underthings, you’ll feel sexier overall, and that leads to – you guessed it – hotter sex, says Barbara Keesling, author of The Good Girl’s Guide to Bad Girl Sex.
48 Ask him to wear the cologne he wore on your first date
“Smell is an incredibly powerful way to evoke memories,” Moalem says. “You can use it to instantly transport yourselves to the beginning of your relationship – a time when sex was still new and ultra-hot.”
49 Get specific
When you ask “Does this feel good?” your partner feels pressured to say “yes” to avoid killing the mood, says Steve Bodansky, co-author of The Instant Orgasm. But if you ask more detailed questions (Faster or slower? To the right or the left?), he can give simple, one-word responses – making sex better than just “good”.
50 Date up
A study from New Castle University found that the wealthier a man is, the more frequently his partner will have an orgasm.
51 Find a new use for your finger vibe
Hold it against the outside of your cheek when you’re performing oral sex. You’ll drive him crazy.
52 Or use it on him
Holding it against his perineum, the space between his anus and testicles, will send a buzz to his prostate, an erogenous zone.
53 Hug each other
Do this for at least 20 seconds before you get busy. Hugging raises your levels of oxytocin, a bonding hormone your body produces naturally, and that will enhance your connection. Awww…
41 Play Scrabble
“Competition raises testosterone levels in both men and women, increasing sexual arousal and response,” Moalem says.
44 Read erotica
Books about other women’s fantasies (like those by author Nancy Friday) will give you ideas to try with your partner.
54 Give it a rest
Right before you’re about to climax, stop. Rest for anywhere from a few seconds to a few minutes, then start up again. You can do this once or many times, but it’s sure to create a more intense orgasm when you do climax, Bodansky says.
55 Watch porn together, with just one guideline
You can touch him, but he can’t touch you. Then swap roles.
56 Sync your breath
When you’re spooning (during sex or not), have one of you take the lead in breathing; the other person follows so you inhale and exhale together. “It increases intimacy,” Kittles-Karsten says.
57 Get a position how-to manual
The Kama Sutra’s a good one. Flag your favourites with Postit notes and leave it on your nightstand for him to find. Let the fun begin…
58 Stage a blackout
Grab a torch and get naked in a dark room. Take turns passing the torch back and forth with your partner; whatever body part you shine it on must be touched, stroked and/or licked for two minutes.
59 Get your balance ball into the act
That big bouncy ball doesn’t just give crunches an extra punch. “Sit on it during oral sex, or experiment with it in different positions,” Kittles-Karsten says. “The options are limitless.”
60 Nibble on a chilli for a natural kick
The spice comes from capsaicin, which raises the heart rate and triggers an endorphin rush.
61 Wear silk panties
And leave them on during foreplay. When he touches you through the fabric, the slippery texture is sure to stimulate your clitoris.
Scrub your skin with a loofah before sex to make it more sensitive to touch.
63 Get a rolling pin massage
Have him rub some massage oil on a rolling pin and gently run it over your shoulders and back. It will help you unwind from your day so you can be fully present during sex, Keesling says.
64 Then deny yourself the happy ending
Massage each other’s bodies – and that’s it. “Tell each other what feels good, and experience the enjoyment of arousal without the pressure to perform,” Saltz says. The next time you get busy, you’ll know exactly what turns him on, and vice versa.
65 Get writing
Make a yes/no/maybe list. With your partner, write down every dirty, far-fetched sexual act you’ve ever heard of. Each of you can choose whether you would, wouldn’t or might try the act. Who knows – you may have sexual interests in common that you’ve never explored.
66 Get deep
You don’t have to be a porn star to be good at oral sex. Lie on your back with your head tilted slightly off the edge of the bed. “Your throat will naturally open up, making you less likely to gag,” Cavanah says. Have your guy stand directly behind your head and take him into your mouth from slightly below him.
67 Turn on some tunes
According to researchers, listening to your favourite music stimulates the same areas of the brain as sex, enhancing your euphoria during the act.
68 Fake a sex tape
Script your own porno with your guy and act it out in front of a camera – without pressing record. “It creates a feeling of exhibitionism without evidence to worry about,” Kerner says.
69 Use him as your personal sex toy
Without letting him enter you, slide your clitoris up and down against his penis to bring yourself to orgasm.
70 Pump him up
Wrap your index finger and thumb around the base of his penis and, without touching the rest of his shaft, alternately squeeze. Kerner says this will create a harder, more intense erection.
71 Get dinner from the belly buffet
Take a cue from the sexperienced Samantha in Sex and the City: The Movie: order in sushi and eat your meal off of each other’s stomachs.
72 Or use the chopsticks creatively
If you have a large vibrator but you want to pinpoint stimulation on a small area (your clitoris, for example), take a plastic chopstick and place the tip of it on the spot you want to take for a joy ride (or have your partner do it). Then hold your vibrator to the base of it.
73 Go undercover
Write down a sex secret and lock it in a box. If your partner wants to know it, he uses ribbons and satin to “torture” you with light bondage until you give in.
74 Tell him it feels good
“Guys love to succeed, so when you give him positive feedback, he’ll feel good about himself and enjoy pleasuring you more,” Bodansky says.
75 Make an obscene phone call
Call your man from another room and talk dirty to him. Describe what you want to do to him. When you’re not face-to-face, it’s easier to lower your inhibitions about verbalising whatever naughty thoughts you want to share.
76 Check your meds
A recent study from the University of California found that many drugs, including some used to treat high cholesterol, depression and anxiety, can reduce sexual pleasure. If you suspect that’s the case, talk to your doctor about alternatives.
77 Give in to aftershocks
In Tantra, these minigasms are called kriyas (Sanskrit for action). During sex, have your partner run his hands up your spine. Concentrate on bringing the sensation through your body; it should start to shake. “Most women will stop there – sometimes because they think it’s weird,” says Jaiya, co-author of Red Hot Touch. “But if you can just let go, it makes for a powerful orgasm.”
78 Create a body-part connection
While he’s stroking your clitoris, have your partner stroke another body part (your neck, your breast, your tummy) at the same time. If you do it often enough, eventually just stroking the body part by itself will cause sensations in your clitoris, Bodansky says.
79 Play “this little piggy”
Sucking his big toe is like giving him a mini blowjob, Moalem says. If foot funk makes you queasy, wash his feet as part of foreplay.
80 Use a (new) toothbrush as a sex toy
Run the bristles along your erogenous zones, like the bottoms of your feet or the back of your neck. You can use the smooth end to stroke more sensitive areas.
81 Put a lavender plant in your bedroom
The purple flower has one of the most naturally arousing scents, according to the US Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation.
82 And bake pumpkin pie
The same foundation discovered that when mixed with the scent of lavender, the aroma of pumpkin pie increased blood flow to the penis by a whopping 40 percent. Move over milk tart…
83 Don’t wait until you’re in the mood
Recent research suggests that women’s arousal is more elicited than self-generated, Gardos says. In other words, “If you don’t feel like having sex, you’ll likely become aroused in the process.”
84 Play dress-up
“Role-playing can be a big turn-on,” Moalem says. Buy him the gear and then email him instructions on when to wear it. Instead of your man coming home from work that night, the hot “doctor” could show up.
85 Get him to slim down
A recent study found that obese men are low on testosterone. When they lose weight, however, their levels rise – along with their sex drive.
86 Pick the right time to talk dirty
According to researchers in Australia, men find women’s voices sexier during the few days right before they ovulate. So leave a dirty voicemail for him during the second week of your cycle – you’ll have him wrapped around your finger.
87 Explore your partner’s face
“Facial skin is incredibly sensitive, so exploring it can be very erotic,” says sex therapist Stephanie Buehler. “Use your fingertips, lips or tongue.”
88 Go wireless
Get yourself a remote-controlled egg (www.whet.co.za). Give him the clicker and you’ll discover a whole new meaning for PDA.
89 Take turns licking each other’s fingertips
They’re extremely sensitive. Trace over your partner’s palm and fingertips, then savour each finger, one by one. Or let him dip them in honey and lick it off.
90 Have him nibble on your neck
While your guy is stimulating your clitoris, have him pay attention to other little-known erogenous zones, like your neck or the backs of your knees, at the same time.
READ MORE: 12 Things To Know About Your Clitoris
91 Then nibble on his
Pay attention to his earlobes or upper thighs, too. Both are surprisingly sensitive spots.
92 Lean back
When you’re on top of him during sex, lean all the way back. “It gives him a great view of your torso and easy access to stimulate your clitoris with his hands,” Gardos says.
“Most women tighten all their muscles when they’re about to have an orgasm,” Gardos says. “If you keep them as relaxed as possible, you’ll go to a higher state of arousal.”
94 Get your balance
Reverse cowgirl is a favourite position for many women, but it can be killer on your quads. Have him sit on a chair so that your legs have room to move, or grab onto a headboard to increase your balance and ease the burden on your thighs.
95 Use double digits
Have him insert two fingers into your vagina and open them into a V shape. Making a “come here” motion, like he would for the G-spot, will stimulate the roots of the clitoris inside your vagina and bring on entirely different orgasmic sensations.
96 Suck his upper lip
The divot between the nose and mouth is another erogenous zone. Nibble on it when things are escalating.
97 Get off your knees during doggy style
“After he enters you from behind, slowly scoot down until you’re lying flat on your stomach with your legs together,” Gardos says. “It will create an intense G-spot stimulation.”
98 Hold him tight
Stroke his penis from the tip to the base and hold the skin taut there. This allows the nerve endings to be closer to the surface. It makes the penis even more sensitive – and oral sex and hand jobs a lot hotter.
99 Rub pinkies
When you’re both all hot and bothered, rub your pinkies together. Your little finger becomes an erogenous zone after your primary erogenous zones (your vagina, his penis) are stimulated.
100 Be a sole mate
“The foot has 7 000 nerve endings,” says reflexology expert Michelle Ebbin. Pressing on the hollow areas just under the ankle bones on the inside of both feet is a direct energy channel to the sexual organs. Start gently with slow thumb circles to unleash your partner’s hidden passion.
BONUS TIP: Get out of the bedroom
“Most couples have sex in the same place every time,” says sex therapist Sandor Gardos. Any change in venue increases the excitement. Try one of these 10 places you need to have sex at some point in your life!