The 13 Emotional Stages Of Sharing A Bathroom With A Guy
By Jenn Sinrich; Photography by Pixabay
“Wait, does he actually not know how to clean a toilet?”
So you just decided to move in together (yay!). You’re ready to take the leap into the same 1,500 square feet and the next stage of your relationship, too.
While the prospect of future Netflix and chill parties that never have to end might make you giddy, there are also some, shall we say, less appealing aspects of fusing your humble abodes, namely: sharing the same bathroom.
It’s no secret that this territory can get a bit tricky (just ask the person who invented “his” and “hers” towels). So, in solidarity, we’re breaking down the emotional transition for you. We feel you, girl.
READ MORE: Is It Bad To Postpone Your Bathroom Break
Your stomach is filled with butterflies just thinking about what this could mean for the future of your relationship. So much romantic bubble bath potential!
Peace out, questionable soap dish and broken toilet seat, hello bougie candle and matching shag bath rug. Hopefully he didn’t think his fish curtain was moving in, too.
Hot and Bothered
Shower sex sans roommates is so much more satisfying. It’s hard to believe you’ve been missing out on quality naked time with your bae until now. Shower sex today, shower sex tomorrow, shower sex forever!
You’re past the stage of convincing him that your poop smells like roses. But you’re still not ready to drop bombs while he’s close by.
READ MORE: Is There A Best Time Of Day To Poop
What on earth can he possibly be doing in there for almost an hour? You know firsthand that pooping doesn’t take that long. Is he playing Candy Crush? Writing a damn science-fiction novel? That’s it. It’s time to up your poop game. No more poo-shaming yourself. From now on, you’re doing it loud and doing it proud.
You thought your hair sheds? LOL. The hair on your head can’t fall out fast enough to match the amount of his hair accumulating in the shower, on the toilet seat, and around the sink. Also, what percentage of the short hairs invading your bathroom are pubes? There’s no way of knowing. You think about leaving your own post-conditioner hairballs stuck to the shower wall in retaliation.
Wait, he actually does not know how to clean a toilet? How could he have gotten this far in life without knowing the magic of toilet cleaning gel and the satisfaction that is banishing the disgusting crud ring from your throne? Watch and learn, dude.
You’re relaxing on the couch when you hear PLOP. You cringe and slowly turn your head toward the bathroom door, praying that A) you heard that sound all the way through the closed door and B) he didn’t fall into the toilet. That’s when he yells “Babe, that food was so good—I ate so much!” Yup. The door’s wide open. Maybe it’s time to invest in some Poo-Pouri.
He needs to shower and shave every morning and you need to blow dry, but you can’t get your hair did in a humid AF bathroom. What a pickle.
You’ve established that shower sex is the bomb, but sometimes you just want to be naked by yourself and shave your legs. Is that too much to ask? Somehow, “I’m going to hop in the shower” translates to “We should have sex in the shower right now” in his brain. You blame yourself; you’ve created a monster.
You clogged the toilet only to realise neither of you bought a plunger—the most unsexy household item after the toilet brush. You start Googling how to plunge a toilet without a plunger and learn that squirting “a generous amount of dish soap or shampoo into the clogged toilet” could work. After squirting shampoo down the toilet, the next step is to ”add very hot water.” So you turn on the sink and start transferring the water with your hands to the toilet. And then he knocks and busts your cover. At least you can go buy a plunger together now.
His new favourite thing to do is to remind you to remove your hair from the shower drain every. time. you. shower. Who has time for that? You tell him that you’re game if he can remember to clean his face pubes out of the sink every day. Teamwork makes the dream work.
It’s just common courtesy to warn the person you love that they might want to wait at least 10 minutes before using the bathroom after you. True love.
Looking to strengthen your relationship? Here are 6 topics that will ensure you have a more meaningful conversation with your partner.
This article was originally posted on www.womenshealthmag.com