3 Things Holding Him Back From Going ‘Down Town’
Want more oral sex but feel weird asking? Truth is, most guys really want to go down town – some just need a little encouragement… And guidance.
If your partner is shying away from going down on you, it’s mostly because he’s had a dodgy experience – or feels fairly lost when he gets down there, says WH sex expert Jacqueline Hellyer. Before you envision a future of barren oral-less sex, you need to figure out why he’s not feeling it. Nearly 63 percent of guys in a recent Men’s Health survey said that what keeps them from going down on a woman is her “no thanks” vibe. Oh. It could be that if you turned him down when you had your period or immediately post-gym, your partner may have got the impression you’re not into it. So clear it up – asap. While you and he are basking in the afterglow following the next time he takes a trip down south, say something non-accusatory like, “You’re so good at going down on me – you should do that more often,” suggests sex therapist Lori Hollarder.
1. Tunnel vision
Guys can be so focused on getting to the main event that they forget how necessary clitoral stimulation can be for you, says Dr Ian Kerner, co-author of The Big Fun Sexy Sex Book. If your partner only goes down sporadically and doesn’t stay there for very long, Dr Kerner suggests you tell him that your orgasms from oral sex are often more intense than they are when he’s inside you and that you’d like to finish that way once in a while before moving on to intercourse.
2. Performance jitters
Instead of fumbling around down there, some guys skip the whole thing for fear of embarrassing themselves. If your partner gives you oral, but doesn’t seem to get into a groove or if he constantly changes tongue techniques, he probably feels insecure about what he’s doing. Dr Kerner’s fix: drop a line that’s both encouraging and educational, like “I’ve been having these fantasies of you going down on me and really gently using your mouth, just tiny licks with the tip of your tongue.”
3. Bad memories
A minority of men just don’t like giving oral sex, says Dr Amy Cooper, the author of The Everything Orgasm Book: The all-you-need Guide to the Most Satisfying Sex you’ll ever Have. But it’s often because of a bad experience, like being with someone who freaked out, seemed disinterested or had a vaginal infection. One approach: take your action into the shower to make the most of the freshness factor.
Assume the position
Lying on your back is the most sure-fire way to get off from your boyfriend dining at the Y, say most experts. But if you’ve got time to explore, test out some other options to whet both your appetites:
Pose Just hike up your skirt or dress and sit on the edge of something while he kneels between your legs. There’s no need to even pull down your undies – just push them aside so he can get to work. The immediacy and spontaneity of it will feel great.
Perk You can ditch the bedroom for the couch, a kitchen chair, the home office… Anywhere with a seat. Also, this position may be easier on his neck than you lying on your back, which can help him go on for longer, explains Cooper.
YOU ON TOP
Pose While he lies on the bed, straddle his face and kneel, placing your lady bits where they need to be. Don’t stare at the ceiling – look directly at him. There’s no turn on like eye contact while he’s going to town.
Perk He still does most of the work, but you get to take the reins by tilting your pelvis and moving closer or farther away for optimal pressure. They don’t call it “finishing on top” for nothin’.
Pose Instead of doing the more traditional (and, honestly, the more clumsy) version – where one of you lies on top of the other – lie on your sides. Trust us, it’s way comfier and gives him easier access.
Perk It’s bad… In a good way. The hottest thing about this, is that it feels a little dirty, says Hollander. Love is a bit on
STANDING ON TOP
Pose Have him lie across a bench on his back, while you stand over him. He’ll appreciate the view.
Perk From this vantage point, you’ll also have an amazing view of his body – it will be pretty obvious how much he’s enjoying himself. If you feel like being generous, you can lean forward and use your hands to tease him a bit too