4 Ways To Ask For What You Want In Bed – Without Having To Spell It Out
By Kristen Sollee
I’ll have a little bit of XXX please…
Let’s face it, sometimes it can be intimidating or awkward to flat out ask for exactly what you want in bed. Whether it’s a new relationship and you’re just getting your rhythm down or you’ve been with a guy for a while and want to kink things up, a little subtlety in delivery can go a long way.
We asked some experts about creative ways to introduce new pleasures into the bedroom without actually having to spell it out.
1. Email Him a NSFW Video
Maybe you saw something crazy-hot in a porn clip that really got you thinking or there was a particularly racy scene from Game of Thrones that got you very hot and bothered, but you’re not sure how to bring it up.
Easy: Email it to him, suggests sex therapist Megan Fleming, and give him some time to watch it on his own before sending over your own thoughts. Then, once you’re together, ask him what he thought and if he liked it. When the conversation is flowing, it’ll be a lot easier to mention how turned on you were by that special move right at the end…
2. Leave Him Naughty Hints
Whether it’s a browser window that you just happen to leave open or a magazine flipped to a particular page for him to find, articles about sex tips or sex toys for couples can really educate and encourage discussion on the topic. Even sending a suggestive text linked to an article (with pictures) can be just the trick to get his gears turning about new ways to pleasure you.
“As much as the stereotype is that men are all about themselves and their own orgasm, men really do want to please their partners,” explains Fleming. So you’re essentially using the articles as an opportunity to ask, “Anything here you’d want to try?”
3. Share the Details of Your R-Rated Sex Dream
Remember that ridiculously hot sex-in-the-woods dream you had a while back? Letting your partner in on your private fantasies is a great way to inspire more diversity in your sex life. If you’re only getting busy in your bedroom and you’re a bit more of an exhibitionist, that story could be the turning point to see what he thinks about an outdoor rendezvous.
Part of the adventure and the excitement of exploring new sexual activities is walking a scary tightrope between what you’re totally comfortable with and what you’re not necessarily comfortable with, says Fleming. You won’t know what you like until you (gently) broach the subject.
4. Let Your Hands Do the Talking
Sometimes, the easiest way to introduce something novel is in the heat of the moment. “Direct where his hands go with yours, using a gentle or passionate touch,” suggests sex therapist Brandy Engler, author of The Men on My Couch.
“Most men love it when women can take a leadership role. Just remember to be attuned to the mood of the moment because one of the common issues I see is when both the man and woman are trying to initiate something different at the same time,” she explains. “It’s a dance, one must read the other and ideally take turns leading and following,” explains Engler.
So take the reins by placing his hand under yours and showing him exactly what to do with it – chances are, he’ll get the hint.