What Is Edging — And Will It Really Improve Your Sex Life?
Reaching that big O can be a struggle on its own. So what if I told you that there are people who try to get themselves close to an orgasm… but then STOP themselves at the last minute? On. Purpose. What madness is this?
It’s actually called “edging” and it might make your orgasms way, way better:
What Is Edging?
Edging is the practice of bringing yourself juuuuuust to the brink of orgasm, and then backing off before you let yourself climax. You build your arousal right up to its peak, then dial it back; build it up again, and dial it back; so that when you eventually do orgasm, the experience is a lot more explosive than usual. According to psychotherapist and sex specialist Vanessa Marin, “edging can make orgasm feel much more powerful” in women, “much, much more intense and enjoyable.”
Meanwhile, in men, edging can serve a more practical purpose: Enhanced pleasure aside, delaying orgasm also extends partnered sex, helping men to get in tune with their bodies and identify the signs that announce an imminent orgasm. That, in turn, helps them last longer, Marin explains. And then, it’s “also just something fun and new and exciting to try in the bedroom.”
Read on for six tips to help you get started with edging, so you can be that pleasure sponge having the best orgasms of your life.
1. Start Out Solo
“I definitely recommend that you try edging on your own first — it can take a little bit of skill to figure out how to do it,” Marin advises. “What you want to do is get yourself as close as you can to orgasm and then stop there, and then start over again.”
So choose a comfortable space where you won’t be interrupted, and where you can centre your attention solely on your masturbation sensations.
2. Pay Close Attention To Your Body
“Edging helps you get much more familiar with what are the exact signs [of orgasm] in your body, the reactions that you have in the moment,” Marin explains. “So is it that certain parts of your body start to tense up? Your breathing changes, your heart rate changes?”
Whatever subtle shifts are taking place, make a mental note of them. You may not succeed in cutting off your climax this first time, but on your next attempt, you’ll be much more aware of your proximity to the point of no return as you approach.
READ MORE: 7 Genius Ways To Help Him Last Longer In Bed
3. Think About Your Arousal On A Scale
To that end, Marin recommends envisioning your arousal on a one to 10 scale, with 10 being orgasm. When you’re edging, she explains, “you want to stop yourself around an eight or a nine; you want to play around with seeing just how close you can get.”
“When you’re starting,” she adds, “maybe about an eight is a good thing to aim for. And then what you want to do is stop touching yourself, or touch yourself just very very lightly and gently, until you get back down maybe to like a six or a five.” Then you can build back up to an eight or a nine, before dropping intensity to a two, and scaling it back up again until you just can’t tease yourself any more.
4. Leave Your Toys In Their Drawer — At Least At First
If you can orgasm using just your hands, that’s what Marin recommends for edging newbies — although if you can only climax with a vibrator, by all means, use it.
“The appeal of a vibrator is that it can give you this intensity of stimulation that the human body just cannot produce on its own,” Marin adds. When you’re trying to edge, all that intensity can make it hard to be as “fine-tuned” as most people need to be when determining their pleasure level, she notes. “Sometimes that vibrator can just get you from zero to 100 really quickly,” Marin says — giving you little to no chance to slow things down.
So for this maiden voyage, go manual if at all possible. But if a vibrator is how you get off, try experimenting with different speeds and pulse patterns to control your excitement.
5. In Partnered Sex, Take Turns
“It’s definitely too much to do both partners at the same time — you’re just not going to be able to get the timing right,” Marin says. Instead, explain to your partner what you’re trying to achieve and establish a system before you get started. Marin suggests settling on a clear signal beforehand, which could be a verbal cue — “stop” or “pause” or “red light” — or something as simple as an arm or shoulder grab. But definitely clarify the signal beforehand: “Sometimes, when you’re with a partner, if you get really lost in the moment and you’re getting up there to that nine, it can be hard to pull yourself out of that.”
And because partnered sex — whether it’s penetrative, oral or mutual masturbation — often means you’re not perfectly in control over your own orgasm, Marin proposes lowering your target a bit. “Maybe have your partner stop when you get to a seven,” she says. “When it’s another person [edging your orgasm], there is, of course, a delay between when you are able to communicate when you’re ready to stop and when your partner does stop.”
6. Choose Positions That Put You In Control
Because edging does require a high degree of bodily control, opt for positions where you’re in charge. For penetrative sex, Marin recommends woman-on-top positions like Cowgirl and Reverse Cowgirl, because not only do they afford you easy access to your own clit, you can also gauge thrusting speed and depth, stopping yourself as soon as you need to.
But, because so many women require clitoral stimulation to orgasm, any position that allows you to stroke yourself works for edging: Try rear entry positions like doggy style or downward dog, or a tabletop position that allows you to lie back while your standing partner thrusts.
This article was originally published on www.womenshealthmag.com