What It Feels Like To Have A Threesome, For Men And Women

Ever been tempted to try something really risqué in the bedroom like anal sex or a threesome, but not sure you’ll enjoy it?


Women's Health |

Compiled by Karen Robertson; photograph by Igor Polzenhagen

Ever been tempted to try something really risqué in the bedroom like anal sex or a threesome, but not sure you’ll enjoy it?

We’ve done the research for you. Here, the male and female perspectives on some very intimate encounters…

What It Feels Like To… Get A Lap Dance

She Says: “It was my friend Joe’s* birthday and we all clubbed in to pay for his lap dance. He turned pink and froze, causing the stripper to focus most of her attention on the girls, who were screaming with laughter. I decided to order a lap dance of my own. “Normally a lap dance would happen upstairs on a couch, but she agreed to do it downstairs so the boys could watch too. (Aside note: while guys are treated with the necessary caution, the rules tend to be a lot more relaxed for girls.) The stripper smiled, grinned and licked her lips while staring at nobody in particular as she twisted about on our table like a demented balloon animal.

READ MORE: The Basic Lap Dance Move That Every Woman Should Know

“Because I’d ordered the lap dance, she paid me extra special attention by literally rubbing her perfect (fake) boobs in my face. This is something that would never happen if she were performing for a man, due to the club’s strict ‘no touching’ policy. This didn’t feel sexy or exciting in the least; if anything, it was kind of embarrassing. It was also then that I noticed her manicure: a deep shade of purple that was badly chipped. Seeing this humanised her and I could envision her taking off her make-up and chopping up vegetables for dinner. Empathising with her meant that I was never truly aroused and when she was done, I felt only relief.”

He Says: “What went through my head? She’s really naked; she’s sitting on top of me. Why was I told to sit on my hands? Do I look like a pervert and a groper? Don’t answer that. Is that a nipple ring? I wonder where her hometown is? Does she know I have a hard-on? Of course she does – that’s the point. Does she get a kick out of this power? Does she have to bleach her bits? If she weren’t a stripper, what would she be? Oral hygienist is my bet. How many guys have sat in this exact spot? I wonder how long her career is? Why is she moaning? It’s not like I’m doing anything for her. Will she retire and settle down with a nice Midrand chap or return to the Urals? Wow, she’s got a nice bum.

“Suddenly Axl Rose faded out with a scream and I was left wondering how the hell ‘Paradise City’ had gone from over six minutes in length to marginally over two? Titillating, fast, false, simultaneously cheap and expensive, I was left wondering who had been taken for a ride. Sure, the girls at strip clubs are naked and attractive, but they’re not interested in me and the feeling is mutual.”

What It Feels Like To… Have A Threesome

She Says: “My friend Luke* and I were at a club in Sandton when we bumped into Dylan*, one of his old varsity friends. He was suave, handsome and bisexual. I had once told Luke I thought Dylan was hot and, that evening, on discovering his fun-loving, charming nature, I felt even more attracted to him. With tongues loosened by tequila, conversation soon turned sexual. Luke asked Dylan about how being with a man and a woman differed and if he’d ever been with a guy and girl simultaneously. When Dylan said he hadn’t but had always wanted to try, Luke suggested the three of us have some fun. I was taken by surprise, but agreed. I’d always been intrigued by the idea of a threesome. Plus Dylan was hot!

READ MORE: Your Partner Wants A Threesome But You Don’t – Should You Break Up

“The situation was new to all of us, so when we got to my place no one really knew how to start. After a drink Luke took the reins and started kissing me, telling Dylan to join in. He began to undress me and I could see that Luke was getting really turned on watching us. He joined in, kissing Dylan first, then me. It was exciting to feel and taste two completely different guys, but it was also strange because at times I felt like I wasn’t given as much attention as I would have liked. At one point, Dylan gave Luke a hand-job, which left me feeling like the odd one out!

“Luke said he wanted to enter me from the front. I was lying on top of him, with Dylan entering me from behind. It was exhilarating to have both boys inside me and when I orgasmed, it was mindblowing. The combination of receiving double pleasure as well as the idea of having sex with two guys was a fantasy come true. Still, I don’t think I’d do it again; I prefer the feeling of sex with one guy, where we can focus on each other fully without having to include a third person’s pleasure. Also, I couldn’t shake the feeling of having been more into Dylan than Luke… I would have preferred having him all to myself!”

He Says: “I’d moved to Cape Town from Durban and was waiting for Sarah*, my girlfriend of four years, to join me. During our time apart, I’d accumulated a collection of porn, which I didn’t advertise, thinking she wouldn’t be too happy about it. But when she stumbled on a magazine and flicked through it, I realised she was enjoying looking at the women on the pages. It turned out she’d always had a bit of a thing for girls and had kissed two of her friends at school. From then on we’d watch porn while we were having sex, which is when the threesome conversation started. But although we’d spoken about bringing in another woman, when it actually happened, there was nothing premeditated about it.

“I happened to be back in Durban with Sarah when her friend Michelle* was visiting. It was a mid-summer’s evening – hot and humid – and we were drinking chilled white wine. Although Michelle was fun, I wasn’t attracted to her, but that didn’t stop me joining in a sexy game of truth or dare. Anyone who didn’t answer the risqué questions had to take off an item of clothing. I was still well clothed, the girls practically naked, when the rules changed: instead of taking off an item of clothing, we had to do something sexual to one other person. It started off with the girls kissing, then moved quickly to Sarah giving me a blowjob and pretty soon Michelle went down on Sarah. Watching them was a huge turn-on. Then Michelle and I started to kiss. I was still very aware that this experience was about Sarah and me, rather than me and another woman, and I think in retrospect that was what made it such a positive one. Although she was very much involved, there was no penetration between Michelle and me and, while it was a whole lot of fun, none of us came. In the morning we all had a good giggle about it. I liked that Sarah and I had been comfortable enough to do it, that our boundaries were fluid, that we weren’t conventional. And I really liked the idea that it could happen again.”

What It Feels Like To… Have Anal Sex

She Says: “I have anal sex with my partner once or twice a month and, with lots of lubrication, I really enjoy it. The orgasm feels different because you feel it in the entire vaginal area, almost like a whole body orgasm, which sometimes even gives me goosebumps. Anal sex isn’t better; it’s different. And although it never makes me feel dirty, it does make me feel naughty and I think it’s that thrill that gives me so much pleasure.”

He Says: “One evening during university my girlfriend was particularly sexed up – we were barely through the front door before our kit was off and we were going at it like rabbits on guarana. Then she whispered, ‘I want you so bad, you can do anything to me.’ When a girl says that to a guy, 90 percent of the time he’s going to try one thing: anal sex.

READ MORE: What 9 Women Wish They Knew About Anal Sex Before They Tried It

“Why? At first entry, it’s tighter – always the more desirable sensation. But after a while the muscles relax and it doesn’t feel that different to vaginal sex. The appeal lies in the forbidden nature of it, as well as how the girl responds. If she’s having fun, it’s a turn-on; if she’s just going through the motions to please, not so much.”

*Names have been changed.

Want to know more about anal sex, but too shy to ask? Because we all want to know: can backdoor sex do damage to your butt? Plus: everything you need to know about rimming – what is it and is it safe?

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